My heart is in your hands

here it goes again.

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 19:34:50 GMT

so once again, i find myself hearing all these things my CLOSE friends think about me.

well screw you.

honestly. its great to hear these things you say about ME, when in all reality it's describing yourself.

soo i made a vow.
i'm keeping things to myself from now on.
sounds simple right?

well i told a friend my plan.
and he took it as i don't trust him.
he is mad now.

wtf dude. i'd rather be alone with my family and my boyfriend.

some of my friends seriously suck. and it's great to see your true colors after the times i helped you out and stuck up for you. after i trusted you with things and believed everything you told me. it was interesting to see upon my own discovery what you actually really DID say about me. then tried to turn it on someone else.

life at the beach.
what a bitch!

so sad, so true

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 15:23:37 GMT

AH, once again, i turn to my journal to vent.

Things have been so hectic these days. it is insane!

I'm trying to juggle school, work, football, friends, boyfriend, and alone time. As a result, I am completely exhausted and can not WAIT for spring break. I don't think i'm going to plan any trips. I need to relax at the beach.

I've gained... ALOT... of weight. This has made prom dress shopping an interesting experience.

Football has started, so I'm pretty excited. EXCEPT that things are run differently this year, and sometimes i feel that things are not done fairly. so after acceptin this fact, practice has been pretty mellow.

Work has been great. Bethany started working with me; this makes work a THOUSAND times better haha. i've been spending a lot of time with her... and i love it chea.

all in all, things have been pretty good. just busy. unfortunately, i'm sad. a "friend" of mine said that she couldn't be my friend? and she didn't tell ME this. i've tried so hard to be close to her.. i've invited her to spend time with me on many occassions. i guess she can't handle my boy issues? i don't know, but it really hit me. kinda like a slap in the face, considering that she would still call me and try to talk to me. after hearing what she said, i haven't even looked her way. its screwed up. at least have the f*ckin balls to tell me this shit to me face.

i have more to say, but i'll have to keep it to myself.

six

Sat, 09 Dec 2006 03:58:15 GMT

ah.. so my life has calmed down for the most part.

there is still drama though. it's rediculous.

i talked to the admissions guy from UNF today. my scores and gpa grant me acceptance to the school, BUT because of my class III, they are going to have to review all the details. lame, definately. he said not to worry. you know i will.

work has gotten better i guess. things have been changing a lot.

friends are good i suppose. i'm having some trust issues right now.

school is okay.. but it seems like i keep screwing up. so i brought just about every folder from my locker home. i'm going to try and finish everything i need to and catch up on things.

my life is boring i know... but that's because i'm not letting you inside. like i said, trust babyy

life ain't always beautiful

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 01:24:33 GMT

wow, so i never thought my senior year would turn out like this.

i feel so alone at school, and it really sucks.
one of my "best friends" made me take the fall for her mom's discovery of drugs in her handbag.
great...that got me put on lock down; luckily, i wasn't sent to rehab!
i proved to my parents that i wasn't a druggie..but that won't kill all the rumors going around.

unfortunately my other best friend has gone down a rough road.
she is an amazing person. and it's really awful to hear all these random people at school talking about her when they don't even know her. although i'm not sure if things have gotten better for her, i'm extremely worried.
i don't know what to do.

thus, the only person i have left is my boyfriend. i just don't want to smother him since i don't really have anyone else to hang out with. i've been growing closer to a few friends, but not close enough to be included in their lives.
sometimes i wonder what's so unlikable about me.

i miss an old friend of mine. i ruined our friendship because of her brother. that was my own mistake. i thought he liked me and cared about me. obviously i was wrong. he completely stopped talking to me..which bothered me somewhat, but made me realize that my perception of him was completely off. he was the reason i lost a great friend. he wasn't even worth it in the end. i wish i could talk to her about everything, but i'm not sure if she would understand.

talking with my boyfriend, i've come to the conclusion that majority of the kids at fletcher suck! old friends and classmates won't even acknowledge you anymore. what's up with that? i guess that's another factor on why i feel so lonely. people need to realize how much a wave or hello would mean to someone.

my self esteem has dropped dramatically. yikes.. i feel so uncomfortable with my appearance. it doesn't help that i couldn't try out for basketball this year; one of main ways of staying in shape. and then i hear about a previous co-worker saying that i thought i was all that and thought i was soo pretty. well girl, you're dead wrong!

soo all in all, i'm treasuring the important things in my life. i've been working a lot..i'm doing well in school, minus the piles of homework in calculus..i've grown closer to my parents.. and i'm trying to better my relationship with my lover. i'm going to apply to UNF..i'll find out dec. 8 if i'm accepted. i'm trying my best to stay out of drama and trouble around school.. and somewhat blend in..lets see how well that goes.

blah

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 23:48:09 GMT

work is a lot of fun..
the shifts are long though..

today i trained on the cashier..
pretty sweet haha.

we open sunday, soo
you should definately come!!

other than that..
things have been so so.
i'm still upset about some things..
but there is nothing i can do.
time will tell i suppose..

♥

w t f.

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 04:36:44 GMT

dude.
the one person that screwed you over
and you trust him over me..

i'm so surprised..
i never thought dude.

work is tight.

why do you treat me so baaaad

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 03:22:54 GMT

yeah, so things are definately changing.
mostly my feelings..and the way he treats me.
i can't put up with it.
are you kidding?? this is me we're talking about...
i don't put up with anything.
so why have i been doing it?

my mom is going out of town soon.

it's ironic that the most gas i have ever put in my tank is when i can't drive my car.

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 02:34:37 GMT

wow. so i got a surprising phone call.
he came home a day early.
but i'm confused now...

his attitude and personality lately has made me think..
he broke a promise.
i had missed him soo much.
he didn't even come see me.

i'm kinda disappointed that no one has come to see me...
except for bethany. thanks girl.

there is someone else on my mind.
wow. :] he makes me happy!

busy day

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 19:34:28 GMT

wow..so today has been very eventful!

i was almost late for my training today.
i got a shirt and visor to wear..
you know i'm gonna sport that shit :]

leaving there, i clipped a mercades.
fun stuff, right?
luckily, the woman was really nice and sweet.
(i can hear my mom telling my dad on the phone right now..
oh fun)

buuuut anyways...
it's friday night.
yeaa

still

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 13:27:15 GMT

i still miss him.

soo..guys can be sleeze balls.
i did the right thing soo there ain't nothin i can do about it.
derrr

i'm goin to work with my mom.
then the beach i think with my bffls.

but i'm too tired!!

life will change the plans you make

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 22:05:55 GMT

ha.. so where to begin?

i miss my boo soo much more than the last time he went out of town.
he is supposed to call when he gets there..

i'm starting a new job at

tropical smoothie

soon.
trainin is on tues?

my two bffls are working until close tonite.
i love my two workers haha.
i'm gonna go visit them.

watttup?

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 18:04:37 GMT

well, summer is half way over :[
but that's okay because it's my
senior year!! yeaaayuh haha

the 4th was not what i expected.
i had a broken bike half the time,
but when i got the mountain bike,
i was weaving in and out of bikes haha
i'm gangsta fo sho

my bf has been hanging out with a girl in his hood..
it's kind of worrying me :[

my friends are awesome.
of course ♥

i've been offered two jobs!!
one place is kick ass && i'd work with kdawg,
but the other is lame && i'd work with kayce and carrie.
what should i do?

someone hacked into my myspace.
kind of weird, but i think i got em.

i'm wearing my retainer for the first time
in forever. my teeth feel like they are gonna fall out.

this is my longest entry in awhile..
so i'm signin out.

later dudes.

d0n't f0rget t0 remember me :]

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 20:00:17 GMT

ahh.. it's been a hot minute since i last updated this.
there is a hurricane outside my window. YIKES!
kayce and i were so scared last night. ToRnAdO wArNiNg!!
i miss my parents, and my boo.
this summer beats every other summer. it's been a blast..
sooo many experiences!!

♥ ♥ ♥

Tue, 21 Mar 2006 18:12:03 GMT

i am happy. :)
it's spring break!
i love sitting around doing NOTHIN!!
my mom and i are getting a lot closer.. :)
we have been prom dress shopping together.
i love my date :)))
i talked to bethany this morning for awhile.
she'll always be my bff ;))

my brother should come home

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 21:51:09 GMT

Dang, I've never realized how much I love life!
Kayce and I; riding in the car, windows down, music blastin..
palm trees all around
what would i do without the beach?
the lifestyle up north is so much different from down here. id miss it way too much.

i don't think i am leaving for college.
i like it here. i like my life here.
(maybe later ill leave for fsu/uf)

my love life --- ahhh finally i am happy with the way things are. jimmy and i are just friends. im missing that puppy love i used to get when i was in middle school. i loved middle school relationships haha.

valentines day i busted my knee. heck yeah, it SUCKS! kayce and i were pushed kaitlyn in a shopping cart... the cheap ass cart started curving towards the road and a brick column. so i went to stop it.. and the cart tipped, along with me and kaitlyn. but my feet were still planted on the ground. so my leg bent sideways.
lame story, but i go to the doctor tomorrow.

i drop my cell phone everyday; at least 3 times a day.

my mom knows i skipped. how? idk. i have great grades, except APUSH.

a bum in a truck drove by and took a picture of me at the beach. :X

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 02:17:03 GMT

Blahh... I did all my homework for once. I feel greeat!!

I think I've lost feelings for him...
can that be possible?
I want something new in my life.

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 14:56:18 GMT

No matter what happens in my life, I wouldn't change any of it! I love my best friends so much. If anything ever happened to them, I don't know what I'd do!!

You wouldn't expect something like this to come upon someone you know. It's out of this world, but we all pray for the best.

a dream is a wish your heart makes

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 02:30:01 GMT

Hey baby, I guess you're wondering
What I'm doing home so soon
Naw, I ain't sick
It's just, this morning when you told me
You didn't feel like you were the most
Important thing in my life anymore
Well that broke my heart
So I had to turn around and come back
And tell you what I'm gonna do about it

I'm gonna light the bedroom candles
Take the phone out of the wall
We can lay around and talk for hours
Or maybe we won't talk at all
I'm gonna resurrect the love
That slipped away from us
And the man you've been missin'
Startin' with some long, slow kisses

I just wanna let you know how ashamed I am
For making you feel that way
Darlin', I'm so sorry
I guess I've just been spendin'
Too much time on making a living
And way too little on making love
But if you can just find it in your heart to forgive me
Girl, I swear from this moment on
You'll always know where you stand with me

I'm gonna light the bedroom candles
Take the phone out of the wall
We can lay around and talk for hours
Or maybe we won't talk at all
I'm gonna resurrect the love
That slipped away from us
And the man you've been missin'
Startin' with some long, slow kisses

'Cause what really matters most
Is you and me this close
Feeling no distance
Sharing some long, slow kisses
Sharing some long, slow kisses

Wed, 28 Dec 2005 08:01:14 GMT

its 3 am
i must be
L O N E L Y

- matchbox twenty

Tue, 27 Dec 2005 17:39:50 GMT

Ya know.. life is so amazing. I am looking forward to every single part of it.

I am sittin here waitin'...

goosebumps

Mon, 26 Dec 2005 06:13:25 GMT

i'm wide awake.. listenin to tim mcgraw in my sweat pants; thinkin about my boo.

santa was pretty good to me this year.
but sometimes you want what you can't have...

i was happy for a part of the summer.

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 07:42:45 GMT

yaa kno people can be complete douche bags haha
but that dont phase me...

scratch the last couple sentences on the previous entry.
he can suuuuuuuuuck it

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 04:55:05 GMT

woahh so the ac just kicked on. brr. hah.
soo... i felt like i was going to die today. if i fell asleep, i thought i was never going to wake up. it was the scariest thing in my life.
i cant believe christmas is basically tomorrow!! ya ya ya! im lovin it!

oh... and im likin this guy. i hope he is readin this too haha. im likin how things are between us... :) :) :)

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 00:22:55 GMT

this song hits the heart...
i dont know why! i just wanna give him a big fat hug!

well, happy holidays everyone!!
give me a call!! <3

changes

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 20:26:38 GMT

Heyy.. nothing much has been going on lately. I've just been hanging out with friends. My birthday was wednesday. it was okay... it wasn't the greatest day, but oh well, i can't complain. people have been having their own problems lately and i hope that everything works out for them before the holidays. and i hope that the people who have changed for the worse have a revelation over the break. ive been thinking a little bit, and ive become a better person. if someone thinks otherwise, what can you do? dont fight a losing battle. i love this boy with all of my heart. and i wish i could see him right now, and sometimes i wish things were the way they used to be... but times are changing and they still are. i wonder what things are going to be like in another year. so much has changed from last year...